Stop Being So Nice In Your Workplace. Do This Instead – Inc.

September 11, 2022

“But I want people to like me,” Roger said. I hear this all the time from leaders I coach when they’re making unpopular decisions. And it makes sense. Who doesn’t want to be liked?
The problem is when leaders are always nice in order to be liked. Being nice all the time means holding in negative feelings, tuning out your needs, quietly resenting others–and maybe occasionally exploding. It’s hard for others to know what’s really OK with you.
The best leaders are not always nice. Kind? Yes. Friendly? Sure. Compassionate? Definitely. But nice? No. Do not always be nice. Nice leaders want to be liked so much that they don’t hold healthy boundaries. They avoid conflict and give in when they ought to take a stand.
Holding boundaries, having the hard conversations, and dealing with conflict are especially important skills for heart-centered, conscious leaders–what I call Amare love-powered leaders. They need to achieve a balance between showing their hard and soft sides, even when it’s not perceived as nice. FYI, here’s a manifesto on balanced love-powered leadership:
Being nice is nice, but it’s not an effective leadership trait when overdone. Instead, respect your emotions, be honest, and keep healthy boundaries on your path to being an authentic, balanced, love-powered leader.  


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